Crazy Awesome

It’s just shy of two months since my last post. Shameful. What a busy, busy two months it's been. I have felt every emotion, it seems I've done every job. It's been crazy, which brings me to my topic: Crazy Love - the book by Francis Chan. I started reading it about Thanksgiving and just this morning found the time to pick it up to finish it. (Granted, I got Sarah Palin's book for Christmas and read it voraciously, putting all other literature, save the Bible, on the back burner.)

Crazy Love is an amazing look at the depths we allow our faith to fall to, and at the crazy justifications we latch onto in order to live our lives how we choose and still be "Christian." I have been in a state of confusion for some days now, completely dependant upon God to give me direction. The questions in my mind were unprecedented, and have brought on doubt in every area of my life. Usually, I seek out some human as a sounding board. In fact, I usually seek out a person that I know will tell me what I want to hear. This time, however, I needed truth, even if it was going to cut me and send me back to square one. But I couldn't find the right person. I realize now, God designed this trial with that very feature. He desired for me to talk only to Him. To seek guidance only from Him. And I did. It's awesome and almost humbling when you are in a place that only God understands. I didn't even understand where I was, and I simply told Him that. I asked Him to figure it out and let me know. Then I went to sleep in peace.

What an immeasurable gift!! To have a friend, father, and savior, all rolled into one. One who enthusiastically listens to our problems and takes on our burdens. One who works it out for us, gives us a plan, and lovingly walks beside us - just to be there to catch us when we inevitably mess up and fall down!

That was last night. I woke up this morning with the desire to finish reading Crazy Love. Not every question has been answered, but I definitely have a direction to pray in. I truly believe God used the book to make me see where I was missing Him.

God is so mysterious! Foolishly, the past few months, maybe even a year, I thought I had Him figured out. (Pause for ridiculous laughter.) Of course, I don't. God is the same yesterday, today and forever, He doesn't change! So why did I believe He had? It is so clear to me what I have done. I changed. I changed my approach and my attitude, and God didn't change at all.

We can't make an eternal God melt, mold and reshape Himself to fit this century. His rules and plan remain the same. Love Him with everything in you, and love your neighbors as you love yourself. It's so simple, but so hard when you put yourSELF in the middle of it. Nothing is about me, it is all about Him.

Thank you, God, for being patient with me, loving me, and showing me so gently how to get it right again.