God's Lab Rat

I'm not saying God is experimenting on me. I actually mean this in the best possible way. I'm talking about God's will, and how He has a way of closing off or opening up certain areas to channel us in the right direction. In my life, He is doing this through added responsibility, and added challenges.

Responsibility from God is an honor. If He gives you a job to do, or two or three or four, feel blessed. I do. By my own request, and through a series of events, I've taken on a brand new leadership role within my church, I've got to step more fully into one I've apparently had, and I've got to expand my reach in a third. Each of these areas is challenging in its own way and I am being pushed as an individual to learn new things and strengthen myself in certain areas. Most importantly, these challenges have become integrated into my personal prayer and study life, and I AM GROWING!

I pray all the time for a better prayer life, and naturally, for a closer walk with God. I pray these things out of habit. And, although I sincerely desire those things (obviously) I never think too much about how God's going to bring them about in a tangible, visible or measurable sort of way. I've realized over the past week or so that He's been working on these things in my life for some time, and now, I must be getting to the place where my eyes are open, my vision is clearer, and I can really see how He's doing it. AWESOME!

I believe one thing that has brought this epiphany on, is the fact that I've stopped viewing my walk as "just for me." With the added responsibility, I've come to realize that the quality of my walk is going to directly impact the walks of others. If I'm not where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do, studying what He wants me to study, acting and behaving how He wants me to act and behave, how am I going to lead, teach and bless others? Everything is connected.

Example: If I don't pray and seek God before leading praise and worship, how will I know which songs to pick and what words to speak? I must be in tune (no pun intended) before my fingers hit the keys in order to be sensitive to the spirit and God's intentions for that service. THAT is an awesome responsibility, but an amazing blessing, too. To have such direction and immediacy in prayer! "God help me and lead me and show me RIGHT now, so I can do exactly what you need me to do RIGHT NOW." And, the results are immediate - I pray for God to use me, I tell Him in prayer that the talents and gifts He has given me belong to Him. Then I witness and feel Him use them for His glory. He tells me what to do, I do it, and then He goes to work. It's like an out-of-body experience. I watch and see what He is doing and I feel such closeness to Him, I feel such worth. I don't want this to sound like it's about me, because it's not. It's about Him. Just like an offering or any other sacrifice we offer up, God takes it and uses it in the way He chooses.

Thank you, God, for allowing me to work for you.

Neurotic or just punctual?

I am not a procrastinator. Not since my sophomore year of college anyways. I hate unfinished business, don't want it hanging over my head. In fact, I usually can't wait for my writing deadlines to arrive, because although I may have a project finished, I will not submit it early. I feel I should use every available minute and opportunity to further perfect it. So, most times, I am frantic for 7-10 days before a deadline trying to pick an article to death before submitting it by 9 a.m. on the deadline day (after reading it over a casual 6-8 additional times. . .you know, just to be sure).

Conversely, while working out I try to wish the "deadline" away. I just got off the treadmill a few minutes ago. I try to vary my routine, for fitness and to keep myself from going crazy. Tonight, I kicked my butt by maxing out for about 90 seconds, then walking at a brisk pace for 90 seconds. I went back and forth several times after a full 20 minutes of steady jogging. I like the brisk walking best, and when the 90 seconds started winding down and I knew I would have to ramp it up and kick my butt again, I relished my last few seconds of brisk walking. However, I never cheated, in fact I would usually push the speed button up a few seconds early. Surprise attack. On myself.

I'm not sure what the moral is here, other than this: Doesn't it feel good to just get it done?

My motivation at work has been fleeting lately. I get there in the morning all fired up, but by lunch, I'm pretty much done. I guess it's the summer mentality, and that's okay. Soon enough school will be back in and I'll be forced to dig for motivation at 3 and 4 in the afternoon because that will be the first chance I'll have all day to sit down and do desk work, project work, busy work. There will be so much to do, but I will get it done. And it will feel great. So, I guess it's okay to stare out my window for 10 out of every 30 minutes of the post-lunch work day. I'm getting plenty done in the morning, and I know me, when push comes to shove everything that needs doing will get done. Even if it's after lunch, even if it means breaking my brisk walk a few seconds early.

Watching and Waiting

Faith makes things possible - not easy. Simple enough advice, but easily forgotten and often difficult to follow.

Our school is entering its seventh year. Biblically speaking, this should be the year that we see great growth and return, the year the fruits of our labor should be most evident.

I have been looking forward to this school year for some time. I feel like I finally have my feet under me and have an excellent staff behind me. This past year, and years prior, it seemed we were always just surviving, not being progressive. It felt like I was on a treadmill. I really wanted this year to be the one where new ideas could blossom and be put into practice. It was going to be a growing year, not just another maintenance year. Last week, my hopes were diminished some as I read a letter of resignation from the strongest and probably most valuable teacher we've ever had. I hold no anger toward her at all, and I support her decision to move on fully - she has left on nothing but good terms. However, the void she leaves behind is one only I can fill - for the time being.

At first, this turn of events discouraged and worried me, but then I remembered the phrase above. "Faith makes things possible, not easy." And, then I remembered another one: "If things are going wrong, you must be doing something right."

For a long time, I have felt that I needed to be more heavily involved in a certain area of the school, and I've never pushed myself into it because the staff member that resigned did such an excellent job in that arena. Now, I have no choice but to step into that place. Isn't God a wise Father. I had my plans for this year, but He has some, too, no doubt. And His are better than mine. Through this change, I've learned that no matter how inconvenient or unlucky a circumstance may seem, I should step back and think about what God may be trying to accomplish through it. Where is He trying to lead me? What is He setting up?

I know this staff member prayed and sought God in her decision. Likewise, I have prayed that God will enable me to fill her shoes, and give me the strength to fill my own at the same time. And I know He will do it.

Many people believe a life lived for God is dull, that there is no excitement. They are wrong. When God changes a circumstance and you know it's for the purpose of something awesome, there is nothing more exciting than watching and waiting for His will to be perfected.