Does that make me crazy? Or just pathetic?

I am a big, fat chicken. I don’t like being home alone. I slept within five feet of a loaded 357-Magnum last night. Read on – this is a ridiculous story.

My family left yesterday on vacation, leaving me all by my lonesome. There is no conceivable reason for me to be frightened in my home; I AM ALMOST 24 YEARS OLD!! But, still I allow my mind to wander – this resulted in the 357 being placed at my bedside and all other firearms being hidden throughout the house, so no one could get to them before me. Or maybe it was my subconscious’ tactical defense plan. To my knowledge no kind of violent home invasion has ever occurred in our area, it’s rural, but safe. However, since I’m a paranoid lunatic, I went to a preposterous extreme in outfitting myself to handle a very unlikely life-threatening situation. I consider this irrational fear to be similar to how I used to feel about flying and riding roller coasters. The more I did it, the less scared I became until eventually it didn’t bother me at all. I never had a problem being by myself when we lived inside city limits, but the country setting and the woods adjacent to my home just make me a little nervous. I drugged myself last night, because I knew I would never fall asleep. This worked out well until 2:30 this morning when I woke up. I never, repeat never, wake up in the middle of the night naturally, especially after taking a sleep aid. So, I knew a noise was what had disturbed me and adrenaline took over. From that point on there was no stopping my brain. So I watched Fresh Prince re-runs and finally got sleepy again roughly 45 minutes before I had to get up. I will conquer this fear just like all the others.

One fear I will never conquer is my arachnophobia. Oh sweet mercy! When I walked out of my bedroom this morning the largest spider I have ever seen was blocking my entrance to the bathroom. Yet another problem with my family deserting me is, I usually make Rebekah kill spiders for me, they don’t bother her. Rebekah is, in general, cooler and braver than me. But, today she wasn’t there to save me. I considered my options. I could go to work unshowered and just rinse with mouthwash once I got there. My contacts were in the bathroom, but I could wear my glasses (even though they’re too weak of a prescription). The problem was, I went to the gym last night, so I really did need to shower, and also I am driving to join my family today, so I really needed to pack all the stuff in the bathroom. I would have to handle this. I went and got a broom, and from a safe five feet away knocked the spider off the bathroom door. When it hit the floor, it ran under Rebekah’s bedroom door. Good enough for me!

Andee is joining me on my drive into the dark Arkansas night. I’m sure there will be fun stories for next week. Don’t miss out!

Cold, cold-calling

It’s funny how the mind wanders. I have an hour-long commute. I listen to a morning show on the way to work, but it advertises a lot during morning drive time, so I’ve come up with lots of ways to keep myself entertained during commercial breaks. But, sometimes I just let my mind roam free, working through the day ahead, or trying to forget the day shrinking behind me in the rearview mirror – yes, at times I simply prefer to be left in silence with my thoughts

This morning I found myself singing, humming and/or “ooohhhing” all the parts – including guitar – of “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner. It’s a challenge, even for a well-trained musician like myself. Now, the meat of this tale is why I was singing it in the first place – we’ll get to that later. Honestly, it just popped into my head, but I believe there is a reason for everything. I haven’t heard the song in a while, but it was a college favorite. I was a Pi Phi, my best friend was a Kappa. Our sororities intermingled a lot anyway, but Molly and I were generally together at some point on the weekends at one party or another, and of course on all school holidays spent at home in Boise. My house song was “Shook me all night long” by ACDC (one of the reasons I pledged Pi Phi) and Molly’s, or the Kappa’s, was, you guessed it, “Cold as Ice.” Whenever either song came over the speakers at a Frat party or off-campus kegger, all members of the respective sorority were required to run out and shake it while squealing, “Oh my God – that’s our SONG!!!!!” While dancing, every girl sang along and did air-guitar solos. Remarkably, the Kappas, some of them obliterated, could actually organize themselves into a circular chorus line at the end of their song. My girls were not as talented.

Now the reason, I believe, the song was in my head this morning requires even more background. One task associated with my present occupation is traveling to different corners of our region to make contacts. They aren’t sales calls, per se, more like “relationship establishing.” For the most part I enjoy this part of my job, it breaks up the monotony. But, every now and then, someone is just rude, and it slaughters my confidence and sense of purpose. Some of the visits I made were follow-ups, others were cold-calls, meaning the person has never seen me and I’ve never seen them, I’m just walking in off the street with a business card, brochure and a smile, and a really nice pen, which can double as a weapon. Usually, people are cordial, even if they don’t require our services anytime in the next decade. They still say ‘thank you’ and take the pen and literature, promising to call us in the year 2025 when they are ready to embark on a project. Others show promise and tell me they’re planning a project in the next six months and THAT is what keeps me trucking on.

I walked into an establishment yesterday, smiling, approached the receptionist/secretary, made eye contact, and I was met with nothing. I waited for a “Can I help you?” or any kind of simple salutation. None came, and the silence grew more awkward with each passing millisecond. Finally, I introduced myself and explained whom I worked for and the purpose of my visit. She replied with a ‘no’ to every question and explained they had just completed a project. So, I thanked her, was complimentary of their beautiful building and made my exit. It’s not as if I asked to hold her baby or borrow her car. I don’t know, perhaps she was having a bad day. What’s that saying about never judging people because you don’t know what they’re going through? So, it’s not a big deal. I only shared the story to explain why I believed “Cold as Ice” was running through my head this morning – apparently, my brain was still processing yesterday’s events. Funny to me, maybe not to you – maybe I should consider psychology as a future profession.

Scientific Discovery

There was HUGE, BIRD-LIKE DINOSAUR discovered in China, well its fossil anyway. Guess what they named it?

Gigantoraptor.

Enough said.

Anecdote

I have nothing uplifting or even remotely funny to write about, well nothing acceptably funny. I can find humor in just about every situation, but I wonder is it really humor or just some hybrid breed of negativity and cynical sarcasm? I feel as though I’ve been neglecting my blog, but I don’t want to write about things that aren’t entertaining to the general public. I can chuckle myself into a frenzy over some pretty mediocre occurrences, but I doubt anyone else can find the humor in them. Few people join me on the rambling, wooded path that ultimately leads to my "humorous" outlook. When I try to verbally relay these anecdotes, most often they are met with the sound of crickets, so I figure writing them won’t get me much further, but at least I won’t be present for the uncomfortable silence that inevitably will follow – so here goes.

Last week I got a book deal – sort of. I still have to submit the final proposal, but after that, the contract will be faxed for me to sign and return. I set out Saturday to complete the proposal, which is not much more than an outline. I refused the antiquing trip the parents had extended an invitation for, I turned off the TV (wincing a little at missing my traditional Saturday morning movie), and I settled at the dining room table with my drafted outline, pens, reference books and a cup of coffee. I bent over my work with a determined demeanor and began writing, then scratching out, then writing some more, flipping through pages of my reference books, looking to the ceiling for inspiration. After approximately 12 minutes, I was finished. This task (which was not at all complex) I had assumed would take the majority of my Saturday, was completed before my parents even walked out the door. But, I still elected to park it on the couch in my pjs, where I stayed for roughly the next five hours. It was a good day.

Cheesecake and whitewater

What a perfect weekend! I could not have asked for a more picturesque getaway. It was an enchanting and exciting fling with the city of Boise.

I got in Thursday night, accompanied by Mormons returning from their mission trips. When I got into the arrivals lobby I had to elbow my way through large reuniting families, searching for my non-Mormon friend - my best friend in the whole flipping world – Rachel. Her tattooed boyfriend of one week was a shining light in the LDS sea I was drowning in. That boyfriend is a keeper - he immediately asked what color my luggage was and went bounding off – making laps around the carousel pulling red suitcases off. I wound up with the wrong ones - my fault, not his. We got it all sorted out, though. It was late when I got in, so when Susan arrived I elected to head to her house and hit the hay.

Friday was awesome. Rachel and I met up early and went to lunch with her visiting friend, Kara, a native of Oregon. Cheesecake Factory good. That was seriously one of the meals I will remember all my life, or at least until I go to New York in August. After lunch, the three of us were doubled over in gluttonous pain and replied with groans and looks of disgust when we were offered pretzel samples at the mall. Poor girl. Rach headed to work, but Kara and I bummed around the mall. I love making new friends. I bought the hottest green dress to wear to the appreciation gala the following night. (Background: I made the trip to Boise in part to attend an appreciation night for my high school choir director. It sounds corny, I know, but he seriously was one of those teachers who changed my life.)

Susan and I met up later and had a 3:30 “dinner” with the “aunts.” They are the two sweetest ladies in the world, and they’re pretty much all the other has. You can imagine after a three-course late lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, I wasn’t ready for a 3:30 buffet-style dinner, but I managed. The rolls were yummy. After dinner Susan, Kristie (that’s my 7-year-old niece) and I went to see Shrek the Third. Afterwards I went to meet Susan’s new beau. He was very nice and I gave my stamp of approval. I even got a hug. Following that, we stopped and got ice cream in Middleton, Idaho. I got French fries, too, only because they have fry sauce in Idaho. I must have asked the girl behind the counter three times if there was fry sauce in the bag when she handed me my order. Love that fry sauce.

Saturday was the day of the appreciation gala. I spent Saturday morning with Rachel. Susan had orientation at BSU. Rach and I went downtown to the Co-op and got veggie sandwiches, fresh raspberries and pears, and freshly made cookies, and ate on the gazebo. It was wonderful. After lunch we hit some downtown shops. The Farmer’s Market was still in full swing and it was just a good, downtown Saturday. My rehearsal for the gala was at one, so I had to split kind of early.

I had some time after the rehearsal to wander about Boise, going to some of my old favorite places. I drove up Bogus Basin Road, and down Warm Springs to look at all the old, big homes. I stopped at Ann Morrison Park and walked along the river. And I started falling in love with the city I abandoned. I left while she was still growing up, and now I want to be a part of her again on some level. It’s strange to go back to a place that used to be your home. It’s not your home anymore, so it’s as if you lose your claim on all your favorite places and activities. I saw people (crazy people) floating in tubes down the still-icy river and I missed the summers I had spent doing just that. I guess a lot of it was my missing a simpler time in my life, not necessarily the city. But, Boise is a place unlike any other. It has so much beauty and class and character. A bustling cosmopolitan city or a mountain escape, it has so many faces. It’s charming and comforting while being sophisticated. Proof that, as humans, we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone.

The appreciation gala was spectacular. Again I was reminded of a simpler time. What I wouldn’t give to have a choir director in front of me every day measuring out the rhythm of my life - to have constant guidance, someone to tell me when to be loud, when to be silent, and when to change my pace. Next to my parents, Mr. Totorica was probably the most influential person in my life. Lessons he taught us are still with me. There was a sign hanging on the stage, which read: “You taught us life through music.” So true. I still consider what his opinion might be when I am at a crossroads.

Sunday was the big white water day. I have never had so much fun. We were all a little apprehensive at first, especially since I had changed our trip to a more challenging run a few days earlier. The drive up to Banks brought back so many memories. I probably drove that road 500 times, always watching the rafters and kayakers below. I love mountains. Being in the mountains with the wind blowing through the trees – tricking you into thinking there is a waterfall close by. The air is always cool and crisp and clean. The smell of pine, and campfire, and the buzz of insects and the call of birds. Even loud sounds nearby seem to be muffled, absorbed by the mountain air.

It wouldn’t have been a trip to Idaho if I hadn’t used an outhouse. Oh, those scare me so bad. That’s for another post. After sunscreen and life jackets and photo-ops we were in the water getting a 4-minute crash course in white water paddling. Then we were off. Somehow, I managed to get the lead position on the boat. When the fist rapids suddenly appeared around the bend, we all dug our feet into the toe pockets. We went way up, so far that when the guide called out “all forward” I couldn’t even reach the water with my paddle. Then we came surging back down and freezing water came crashing over us. In a few seconds it was over and I immediately wanted to push rewind and go again. There were several III+ rapids “Go left, or you’re fired”, “Bennett’s Rock”, “Mike’s Hole”, “The Mixmaster”, and a few more I can’t remember. I‘ve got the fever now. I will become a River Rat.

After the river, we went back to Boise and had lunch at Smoky Mountain Pizza and Pasta. It was exactly what I wanted. We sat on the patio, which always reminded me of a Midsummer Night’s Dream when I lived in Boise, it was still the same. Later I took a nap before treating Susan to her first sushi experience.

I headed home the next day after a few more stops at favorite places, like Hugo’s Deli (ecstasy on sourdough) where I got some more fry sauce and an awesome sandwich, because “they build sandwiches.” Boy do they.

I seriously considered moving back to Boise over the weekend. I love it so much and it offers the quality of life I am starving for. I never believed I would want to leave Texas or the south again, but the close-mindedness of the region is beginning to take its toll. However, when the plane began to descend over Dallas, my heart swelled. Texas is home, she’s not perfect, but I belong here, somewhere. Boise will remain a place to visit and love – when I left there four years ago, I was disgusted with the state, but now I know I was disgusted with myself and what I had let my life become. Now that I am at peace with me, I can embrace and love from a distance the state that raised me.