Sleepless in East Texas

I did not sleep last night, not real sleep. It was that altered-state-of-consciousness business. I began reading a book about Marie Antoinette before bed, and consequently, had waking dreams of the Dauphin and Dauphine and approaching revolution, and became very concerned about my taxes (I have to pay in this year - first time ever - because of my writing income).

Amidst my tossing and turning, I thought about the trip and my finances. I prayed. I panicked about my arrival at Charles de Gaulle airport, fearing it will be too intimidating and I will have to fight the urge to walk straight up to a ticket counter and pay an exorbitant amount of money to fly home immediately. I prayed some more. My worries and fears are always more concentrated at night.

Today, I am zombie-like, so I apologize if this post is less than brilliant. As a result of my nocturnal financial panic, I got up at five, an hour earlier than usual, and looked for some writing work. I've not been sending queries out because I've been focused on the book. Now that it's finished and now that I have a more clearly defined schedule at the school, I have time to look, and more importantly, will actually have time to do the work should I get it.

Yet another outcome: I drove to work terrified because I was behind a truck loaded down with steel beams. If you've seen "The Descent", you know what's up. Horrifying. My mind does not WORK properly when I am sleep deprived. However, it does lend a surreal quality to the day.

I just can't take it any deeper than this today. . .