Paris...in the Spring?

Spring Break is fast approaching and I promised myself a vacation before Christmas. I haven't booked one yet - probably my sub-conscious (and conscience) at work. However, the reason I'm actually going to cite is the Last-Minute Deal. Europe is on my list. I cancelled a trip to Spain and France this past fall for financial and a host of other reasons. Although, I think the chief one was fear. The minute it was cancelled I burst into tears and immediately started cooking up plans to get across the Atlantic all over again.

Back to the Last-Minute Deal - they're cheaper, and, for someone like me, who analyzes everything down the bone, who can over think which oatmeal flavor to eat for breakfast, and can worry to the point of physical illness, it's a good spur-of-the-moment decision making tool. Last time, I had seven months to talk myself out of the trip - this time I'll have about three weeks before departure.

Paris seems to be the lucky lady. I feel as though I have to get Paris out of the way before I can truly enjoy any other destination. And, if I only make it to Europe one time, Paris is the place I want to see more than any other.

Now, I have one week before my planned departure date is up for booking and I am nervous wreck. So far today I've felt pretty good about going, but I have moments where I panic. Here are some of the reasons:

Money. This trip will eat into my savings. I don't have a lot of money put back, but at least I have some. This trip won't take all of it, but all the same, I'm a freelance writer and a small private school administrator, I'm not exactly rolling in the dough. What if I need a filling? Ahhhh...see...there's the Type A. Good old "what if?" Be gone!

The book. Always the book. I tell myself I should take the time off and park in front of the computer. Well, I can tell you right now that won't work because if I'm at home I'm going to watch Seinfeld and do other worthless things (I am so NOT calling Seinfeld worthless). Additionally, I will get sucked into other tasks and I'll have people around who will distract me. Plus, I won't unwind, I need to disconnect. My mother (very wisely) suggested I use the trip as a reward - get the book ready and submitted to an agent before you go. In other words, the trip date will be my deadline. Note: I'm not taking my laptop to the other side of the world...I'm just not.

Traveling alone. I will be all by my lonesome. First trip overseas, alone. Is it a good idea? Paris is a well-developed city and I am a smart person. I've visited large American cities and have been able to navigate very well thanks to a little pre-departure research (I must exclude New York from this example - that was five days of perpetual lostness). But, Paris - I don't speak the language and I hear the French are less than helpful when it comes to poor, lost American tourists. Still, I will know my hotel address, will study maps and the metro system, will plan well, and if all else fails, I will bite the bullet and take a cab. I do like the idea of doing this completely alone. It reaffirms my independence and I won't have anyone to please and entertain but myself. So, I can stand in one spot along the Seine for an hour if I want to. I am a people pleaser and I usually put what I want aside to keep everyone else calm and happy, especially on trips.

Homesick. Yes, I do get homesick, although it usually only happens when things don't go well, or when I don't have a home base. A hotel is a home base, it's the place I belong. However, if French people are mean to me if and when I ask them for directions, I could get to missing home and second-guessing my decision. I don't want to have miserable, unhappy memories of Paris - that seems an oxymoron, IT'S PARIS! I can't help but think of Carried Bradshaw in Paris and how unhappy she ended up being. The phone call she made to Miranda, Miranda handing Brady Cheerios. It's visions of the mundane everyday routines that tug on my heartstrings when I get homesick and I know that could happen. Could. And I have no Mr. Big to come rescue me.

World Stability. I'm more than a little concerned about world issues. If the hmmhmm hits the fan, I would like to be on American soil and near my family. However, it appears things will get worse before they get better, so I'd better go while I can. I could travel domestically and the hmmhmm could hit the fan and I would still be away from home. I do still trust the American government...sort of, so I guess if there is a catastrophe and I'm overseas (with hundreds of thousands of other Americans) they've got a plan to get us home, keep us safe, etc.

Plain old guilt. This is weird, but I have so much guilt. My parents and my sisters have never gotten to travel internationally, so why should I get to? Money plays a role in the guilt, too, but I already talked about that.

When it comes right down to it - I want to go, so badly, and in spite of all the reasons above. I can dispel them all. I'm just going to trust in God. If I'm not supposed to go, I know He'll put up a roadblock.